Top 25 Video Game Heroes of All Time

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Top 25 Video Game Heroes of All Time

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There are any number of things that make a video game memorable:
excellent gameplay, breathtakingly gorgeous graphics, an engaging story,
unexpected full-frontal male nudity, etc. But one thing that is
guaranteed to make games stick in players' heads like a pickaxe after a
mine explosion are quality characters. A visually distinct hero with a
great personality (and nowadays well-delivered dialogue) can change a
game from just being a fun diversion to something that is an absolute
blast to play. And don't doubt for a second that well-designed
characters are responsible for changing some of the best games into some
of the best franchises. We think it's high time that some of these folks
got the credit they deserve. So join us in this journey of appreciation
as we count down the TOP TWENTY-FIVE VIDEO GAME HEROES OF ALL TIME! Why
so many, you ask? Because with Link, Mario, Solid Snake and a handful of
other heavy-hitters that are impossible to ignore, a list of say, TEN,
heroes would scarcely leave room for any surprises. And we want
surprises. We want those "oh-yeahs" and "ooo-aaahs". Now hang on one
second while Mike takes a whiz and we'll get started.

(Note: Just a heads-up, we will be making references to characters' histories, so consider this your spoiler warning.)

25) Stubbs the Zombie

Stubbs the Zombie Seeing how the fetid undead are frequently cast as
antagonists in video games, it seems only fitting that one of them
starts our list of greatest heroes. For those of you not fortunate
enough to have played his excellent game, Stubbs' adventure is a twist
on the old "zombies-overrunning-a-city" formula, in that the player
controls the zombies. But Stubbs is no simple mindless corpse. From his
large, expressive eyes to his oft-commented-upon garish tie, Stubbs'
design instantly differentiates him from your typical walking dead. He
also has a great deal more drive than most other zombies I've met.
Stubbs pursues his twofold goal of crushing those who wronged him and
reuniting with the woman he loves with determination and style. And
though he spends most of his game mauling people and eating their
brains, there is a childlike innocence about him that makes it hard not
to take his side in his violent struggle against the vacuous citizens of
Punchbowl. Truly, he is a prince among corpses.

Prominent Titles: Stubbs the Zombie in "Rebel Without a Pulse"

24) Vivi

Vivi Awwwww, lookit' him go! I challenge any of you reading this to
watch little Vivi scurry across the screen and not giggle like a
schoolgirl at his big floppy hat and big floppy shoes bouncing all over
the place. In fact, it's making me titter just thinking about it.
Tee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee! ...Ahem! Anyway, Vivi embodies all of the more
cutesy aspects of the Final Fantasy series, but the darker edge of his
quest of self-discovery prevents him from becoming sickeningly sweet in
the way some other Final Fantasy characters have (Rikku? Yufi? Anyone?).
In fact, Vivi is probably one of the most philosophical characters in
all of Final Fantasy, over the course of his quest confronting ideas
like mortality and destiny and emerging from his conflict with a
deepened sense of identity and hardened resolve. And the little guy will
definitely go down as one of Final Fantasy's most devastating Black
Mages, as his spells can really tear it up. Even most of the deadliest
enemies in Final Fantasy IX don't stay standing too long after he's
nailed them with Flare. Though his design may appeal to the same part of
our brains that secretly loves chocobos, moogles, and cactuars, Vivi is
in fact a deep, fully fleshed-out character whose complexity stands as a
testament to the quality of Final Fantasy's storytelling.

Prominent Titles: Final Fantasy IX, Kingdom Hearts II

23) Blade & Stryker

Blade & Stryker I doubt many people will recognize the names, so let
me clarify by saying that these guys are /the/ Bad Dudes. That's right,
I'm talking about the heroes of the beloved 80's arcade beat-'em-up, Bad
Dudes vs. Dragon Ninja. Now, upon making that clear, I don't see that
there's really anything else to explain, other than perhaps why they
aren't higher up on the list. I mean, c'mon! These guys are /bad dudes!/
It says so right in the title. And they don't just fight regular ninjas,
they fight freaking /Dragon Ninjas!/ Have any of you actually seen this
game? Two guys in sleeveless t-shirts walk down the street killing
literally hundreds of ninjas by punching them to death. After kicking
the ass of this psycho kabuki warrior that they have to duel on the
strut of a helicopter, they rescue President Ronald Reagan (R.I.P.) who
promptly takes them out for hamburgers. Now how could these guys not
rank among the greatest heroes?

Prominent Titles: Bad Dudes vs. Dragon Ninja

22) Lenneth Valkyrie

Lenneth Valkyrie In Valkyrie gamers finally have a female hero who is
more than just a walking pair of breasts in a bikini (not to disparage
any of the lovely ladies of the Dead of Alive series by any means). A
grim-faced ice queen, Valkyrie is a brutal warrior who slaughters
monsters and claims the souls of fallen heroes, all without showing any
emotion besides righteous anger. Watching her initiate a sixteen-hit
combo culminating in her hammering a giant, burning lance through a foe
is enough to convince anyone (even Misogynist Jim) that she is the equal
of any male hero. Towards the end of Valkyrie Profile, though, if gamers
have met certain criteria, they will get to see a more feminine side of
Valkyrie when she confronts her origins and the tragedies of her past.
But even when she is weeping for her lost love, she never compromises
the warrior's fierceness the player sees burning in her eyes. She is
definitely one of the most multifaceted female lead character in a video
game.

Prominent Titles: Valkyrie Profile: Lenneth

21) Master Chief

Master Chief If there is any character in the ranks of video game
heroes who has claim to the title "Number-One, Stone-Cold, No-Nonsense
Badass" it's the Master Chief. This guy clubs shrieking, slavering alien
storm troopers to death with the butt of his shotgun, rides bombs
free-falling a la Dr. Strangelove into the heart of enemy warships, and
survives being mauled by sentient fungus all while speaking only a
handful of brief lines in his gravelly, action-hero voice. And while
he's certainly a badass, there is also something somewhat unsettling
about Halo's taciturn protagonist who has survived two games with
essentially no character development. In this case, though, it seems
more like a conscious act by the developers as opposed to laziness. His
origins, his identity, heck even his face, are a mystery to the player.
Actually, the only things we really know about the Master Chief is that
he's some kind of elite cyborg soldier and that he's really, really good
at killing. Just like grandma.

Prominent Titles: Halo, Halo 2

20) Ryu

Ryu Since one-on-one fighting games as they are today really began
with Street Fighter II, it's safe to say that stock-character mainstay
of all fighting games, the young, honorable, and well-balanced martial
artist out to hone his skills began with Ryu. Without Ryu there wouldn't
be any Liu Kang, Terry Bogard, Akira Yuki, or even probably any Ky
Kiske. In fact, Ryu's play style, which requires the player to rotate
the joystick to pull off various moves, and even some of the moves
themselves such as the fireball and the burning uppercut, have imprinted
themselves onto some character or even a few characters in almost every
fighting game. While most characters in fighting games tend to emphasize
strength, speed, range, or durability, it is Ryu and his ilk who are
almost always the most well-rounded, jack-of-all-trades kinds of
fighters. They serve as a kind of constant in the universe of fighting
games and are great entry fighters for people new to a particular game.
But Ryu's persona is just as important as his fighting style. Unlike
pretty much all the other characters in the Street Fighter Tournament
who fight for vengeance, monetary compensation, or pride, Ryu fights
with no ulterior motives. He enters the tournament to test himself and
learn the truths that can only be discovered by pushing the human body
and soul to its limits. What a guy. So when your kids wake up in the
middle of the night screaming "Hadouken!!!" at the top of their lungs -
don't be scared. Be proud. They've chosen a worthy role model.

Prominent Titles: Street Fighter II, Street Fighter Alpha 3, Marvel vs.
Capcom 2, Capcom vs. SNK 2: Mark of the Millenium 2001

19) Earthworm Jim

Earthworm Jim From his goofy, '50s sci-fi gun that fires like an Uzi,
to his bizarre obsession with cows, to his fondness for '70s slang, to
the simple fact that he is an earthworm in a powered spacesuit that
makes him look Mr. Universe-buff, everything about Jim's design screams,
"What the ****!?" When he debuted, Earthworm Jim was weird like nothing
before him and few things since have equaled his strangeness. Sure, his
quests were fairly standard "Save-the-princess" affairs, but the fact
that Jim could never quite remember the princess's name changed it from
a cliché to a glorious parody deserving of a celebratory round of "Ride
a Stair-chair up a massive flight of stairs while violent, ill-tempered
old ladies tumble down towards you." Speaking of which, Jim is easily
the most versatile of all video game heroes. Sure, most heroes are
pretty good at shooting or stabbing things, and maybe a couple can even
solve a few simple puzzles. But how many can extinguish burning cows
before they get kidnapped by aliens? How many would fight a sentient,
militaristic booger while bungee jumping into a cavern of mucus? How
many would dress up like a blind, flying salamander and gracefully float
through a villi-lined intestine to the melancholy strains of Beethoven's
Moonlight Sonata? Just one.

Prominent Titles: Earthworm Jim, Earthworm Jim 2

18) Leisure Suit Larry

Leisure Suit Larry Ah, Larry, the desperate adventurer. Seeker of the
boob, captain of the geek squad. Truly, if it wasn't for all the
36-18-36 measuring vixens that were always in the scopes of our eternal
geekball, the term "Hero" would probably never even begin to be
applicable here. Yet we owe Larry a debt of gratitude - through him,
countless kids (of several generations!) learned about countless wrong
ways to approach women, instead of having to learn via real-life
embarrassment, which would have been oh so much more painful. Yes, on
the scale of being able to repeatedly take rejection from women, Larry
was always far, far ahead of the competition. Certainly unlike any other
hero on this list, Larry's juvenile, yet ultimately endearing antics and
sense of humor captured the minds of many an adolescent boy - and,
perhaps even more notably, many mature, job-wielding adults, who could
really appreciate the pointy comic relief streaming through Larry from
the series creator Al Lowe. (Incidentally, of all the famous game
designers, Al Lowe probably embodies the modest spirit of GameLemon most
directly). For the record, Al Lowe also had nothing to do with Sierra's
feeble attempt to re-invent the series in LSL: Magna Cum Laude.
So here is to you Larry, the king of rejection, the
butt-end of embarrassing jokes, the simultaneous and oxymoronical
essence of man's most abysmal failures with the weaker sex and his
all-that-much-more indistinguishable thirst for booty. Here is your spot
on the Top Video Game Heroes of All Time list. You've earned it, buddy.

Prominent Titles: Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of the Lounge Lizards,
Leisure Suit Larry Goes Looking for Love (in Several Wrong Places),
Leisure Suit Larry 3: Passionate Patti in Pursuit of the Pulsating
Pectorals, (Leisure Suit Larry 4: The Missing Floppies), Leisure Suit
Larry 5: Passionate Patti Does a Little Undercover Work, Leisure Suit
Larry 6: Shape Up or Slip Out!, Leisure Suit Larry 7: Love for Sail!

17) Kain

Kain While Vivi embodies the cuter aspects of Final Fantasy character
design, Kain is all about the dark, angst-ridden side. Perhaps the most
tormented Final Fantasy character of all time, over the course of Final
Fantasy IV Kain is pulled in about a dozen different directions. He has
a deep loyalty to Baron, the country of his birth and the one his family
has served for generations. But he also feels driven to stick by his
best friend, Cecil, who becomes an outcast and a fugitive from that very
country. Of course, the fact that he seriously has the hots for Cecil's
lady, Rosa, just adds more confusion. Thankfully, for a significant
portion of the game Kain is mind controlled, so he doesn't really need
to worry about deciding where his loyalties lie. Oh, but wait, it turns
out the reason the mind control is particularly effective is because he
secretly wanted to do all the rotten things to Cecil and Rosa that he
did while ensorcelled. But then again, it really turns out that the man
controlling Kain was in turn being controlled by a near-godlike
moon-being, so maybe all that other stuff was bull to begin with. While
his constant side-switching might tempt some players to wish a painful
demise on Kain, the fact that he's a crazy leaping dragoon who opens a
six-pack of canned whoop-ass every time his little attack bar fills up
makes a good case for keeping him around. Seriously, this guy's jumps
could kill the Incredible Hulk even after he'd been genetically combined
with a giant, mutant Incredible Hulk so that the final being had the
strength of, like, two-and-a-half Incredible Hulks. Sure, Cecil may be
the, "main character," but the fact that Kain is in the logo makes it
pretty clear that even Squaresoft knew he was the real leading man.

Prominent Titles: Final Fantasy IV

16) The Hero from Quest for Glory

Quest for Glory Hero It would be pretty much a felony to leave off
this list a character whose very existence began with the words "So you
want to be a Hero?", from a game that was originally called "Hero's
Quest". (It was later changed to Quest for Glory after it turned out
that another game company already trademarked the "Hero's Quest" name).
The Quest for Glory series was arguably the most successful attempt ever
to mix the adventure and role-playing genres, and the fact that its Hero
is the only character on this list that bears no name of his own (the
name was assigned by the player at the beginning of each QfG game) is
the best testament to that. As he traveled across the different lands
and cultures of the magical world of Gloriana, the Hero's most endearing
attribute (strength, stealth, agility, and magic aside) was always the
fact that he was actually believable as a real-life person. You, the
player, could actually see yourself in this character that was clearly
an imperfect, real-life kind of guy that was only acting brave because
he found himself in a hero's shoes that no one else was around to fill.
So when sh*t /really/ hit the fan, your Hero didn't feel any shame in
yelping and trying to hide under the table. Yes, Rambo he wasn't. He
just tried the best he could - the best you could. Yet at the very same
time he could do awesome things only possible in the magical worlds of
Spielberg and Shapeir, Tarna and Mordovia. He cast spells, battled
vampires, picked locks, and tricked evil magicians. He climbed trees and
solved clever puzzles. He battled brigands and conversed with lions. He
even had the balls to try some moves on a hot Mordovian vampiress. And,
of course, he did it all with the quirky sense of humor of the series
creators Lori and Corey Cole which made the games and the Hero all that
much awesome.

Prominent Titles: Quest for Glory I: So You Want To Be A Hero, Quest for
Glory II: Trial by Fire, Quest for Glory III: Wages of War, Quest for
Glory IV: Shadows of Darkness, Quest for Glory V: Dragon Fire.

15) Guybrush Threepwood

Guybrush Threepwood Never has a mightier pirate sailed the Seven Seas.
Okay, I guess a bunch of them have, but never has one with a more
acerbic whit and a stronger will to survive unbelievably awkward or
embarrassing situations that would kill lesser men with shame. A lanky
string bean of a man, Guybrush has shown us time and again that, in the
long run, it's much better to be clever and a little snarky then it is
to be a hulking, undead pirate captain. While the wacky, sometimes
harrowing events that crop up in the Monkey Island games are certainly
amusing in their own right, they are made absolutely hilarious by
Guybrush's frequent dry observations. He may not exactly have become the
master pirate that he dreamed of becoming when he first set out on his
journey of self-discovery, but he certainly became a master at
delivering perfectly timed one-liners. Besides, being a big, muscly
buccaneer who eats nails and bites the heads off of less manly men is
highly overrated. Guybrush got the girl, and last time I checked his
enemies were deader than that possum I hit tonight on the way out for
Chinese. And though he might occasionally (or perhaps very frequently)
flinch or scream like a little girl, there isn't much that really
rattles Guybrush. Except for /(*Shiver*)/ Porcelain... Oh, and that
whole "Monkey Island" thing.

Prominent Titles: The Secret of Monkey Island, Monkey Island 2:
LeChuck's Revenge, The Curse of Monkey Island, Escape from Monkey Island

14) Kratos

Kratos Kratos is not a nice man. If you somehow managed to miss the
ads, Kratos is the bald Greek guy tearing off monsters' heads, ripping
out their eyes, slashing the tendons in their legs, or slicing their
arms off, then bathing in the shower of blood that gushes forth. But
it's not just the bad guys that feel his wrath. He frequently cuts down
civilians amidst the chaos of battle, once burned an innocent man to
death to gain entrance to a locked room, and often takes pennies from
the Take-a-Penny jar, but never, ever leaves one. Violent like a force
of nature, he rips through enemy and bystander alike, driven by
single-minded determination first for glory, then for revenge, then
later maybe for a little of both. An anti-hero in the truest sense of
the word, he fights for nothing but his own self-centered desires.
Still, even after seeing how callous and vain he is, it's hard not to
feel twinges of pity for him when he remembers with genuine despair the
accidental deaths of his wife and child at his own hands. It was his
bloodlust that undid him, but in the end he must use that same bloodlust
to find redemption. Who says video game characters aren't complex? Ok,
fine, he is mostly here because no one rips heads off mythical creatures
with quite the same flare as he does. But still.

Prominent Titles: God of War, God of War II

13) Alucard

Alucard Gee, who would have thought a pretty-boy half-vampire with a
frosty demeanor and an Oedipal Complex would be popular with female
fans? Alucard is the son of Castlevania's Dracula but has spent most of
his lengthy adult life aiding the Belmont clan in battling the forces of
his father. While he never waivers in his quest to forever banish
Dracula from the mortal realm, centuries of fighting against his own
flesh and blood as well as struggling to come to terms with the fact
that part of what he battles against is within himself has left him
bitter and distant. And the ladies just can't get enough of it.
Seriously, in almost every game this guy is in women are swarming all
over him. It has to be that "tough-but-vulnerable" vibe. It's also
definitely noteworthy that Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, the game
Alucard starred in, was the game that revolutionized the entire
Castlevania series. After years of playing as guys in leather tunics who
like to whip things, it was great to be able to play as somebody with
access to a vampire's powers. Let's face it, fighting with a sword,
shooting triple fireballs, and being able to transform into a bat beats
whipping and throwing knives hands down. Deal with it.

Prominent Titles: Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse, Castlevania:
Symphony of the Night, Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow.

12) Roger Wilco

Roger Wilco We may have a couple of plumbers on this list, but fact
is, no character here had the cahones quite big enough to be a janitor
and still lay lawful claim to the Hero title. No one, except Roger
Wilco, of course. A man whose very name is a pun on a radio
communication protocol ("Roger Wilco" stands for "Received, Will
Comply"), our man Roger was a friend of humor and tomfoolery from the
very beginning. And if fairy tales and Hollywood movies are any
indication, there is nothing we love more than a village idiot slash
stand up comedian who ends up saving the world - mostly by accident.
Space pirates, deadly androids, and the worst pests of all - cloned
insurance salesmen - are no match for a man with a plunger who doesn't
ponder too much on silly things like consequences. Like Al Bundy with no
family and a slightly better job, it was only a matter of time before
Roger rose to galactic greatness and launched his 6 game career at
Sierra On-Line (before it slipped into mediocrity). Sierra was even
working on the 7th iteration of the adventure game, when it was
announced that Roger would be mysteriously "unavailable" in this
installment. This turned out to be a fatal mistake, and Roger's revenge
was brutal - the ill-fated game never came out, and Sierra's prominence
as a game publisher soon waned. Poor little Sierra. Only the stupid mess
with the man who controls their toilet.

Prominent Titles: Space Quest I: The Sarien Encounter, Space Quest II:
Vohaul's Revenge, Space Quest III: The Pirates of Pestulon, Space Quest
IV: Roger Wilco and the Time Rippers, Space Quest V: The Next Mutation,
Space Quest 6: The Spinal Frontier.

11) Mega Man

Mega Man Ah, the Blue Bomber! One of my personal favorites, Mega Man
is an enduring video game icon who has brought joy to several
generations of gamers who dreamed of one day being a robot that could
shoot other robots with lasers. Changed from a humble cleaning android
to one designed for combat so that he could protect the innocent from
evil, Mega Man is a hero in the purest sense. But it was the gameplay
mechanic by which he gained the powers of defeated enemies and could
then use them to exploit the weaknesses of other enemies that changed
him from a flash-in-the-pan, generic 2-D hero to an enduring video game
legend. While Mega Man has starred in a variety of different styles of
games since then, including darker 2-D platformers,
collectible-card-based RPGs, and even a go-kart racer, pretty much all
of them have, in some form or another, featured the ability to gain the
powers of defeated enemies. If nothing else Mega Man is particularly
versatile. The proverbial boy scout of the video game world, Mega Man
seems like he's always prepared for anything. Need some trees cut down?
Don't worry, I got Lumberjack Man's chainsaw gun! Female troubles? Thank
goodness I just beat Tampon Man! While his latest games may not have
been the classics his earlier ones wear, the adaptability of the little
guy makes it likely he'll always have a comeback.

Prominent Titles: Mega Man II, Mega Man X, Mega Man Battle Network 2,
Mega Man Legends.

10) Minsc

Minsc Sure, crazy, tattooed barbarians are a dime a dozen in Western
RPGs, but only one of them has ever carried around a hamster that he
claimed was some kind of super-intelligent space creature. Clearly all
of Minsc's synapses are not firing as they should, but he's such a
lovable oaf it's hard to dislike him. Every one of his lines is a
brilliant mixture of the type of material you'd find in Norse heroic
poetry and shouted encouragements to his hamster companion. Brought to
life by talented voice actor Jim Cummings, Minsc's battle cries are just
about some of the funniest things you'll hear in your entire life. A
warrior of pride and honor, Minsc takes his oaths very seriously. So if
he pledges himself to you, you've earned an ally for life. But if he
decides you are wicked then it's only a matter of time before you lie
battered and helpless on the ground, Boo (the aforementioned miniature
giant space hamster) clawing out your eyes. In a world filled with as
much uncertainty and treachery as that depicted in the Baldur's Gate PC
games, characters as genuine and loyal as Minsc are hard to come by.
He's likely had a few of his screws knocked loose over the years, but he
more than makes up for missing brain cells with tons of heart and one
awesome hamster.

Prominent Titles: Baldur's Gate, Baldur's Gate II: Shadows of Amn.

9) Gabriel Knight

Gabriel Knight Of all the private detectives that have graced our
computer screens since the advent of point-and-click adventure games,
Gabriel was by far one of the most charismatic. Plus, he always got
really good work. From the voodoo cults of New Orleans to the lost
secrets of the Templars, Gabriel always managed to find himself in the
thick of something thoroughly forbidden and mystical. Like the use of
FMVs (full motion videos) in video games - a strange little blip on the
cardiogram of video game development that surfaced in the mid-90's and
then promptly vanished without a trace - but not before Gabriel found
himself in the fully FMV-ed Gabriel Knight 2: The Beast Within. To his
credit, Gabriel came out of the ordeal with flying colors (unlike many
of the other unfortunate FMV victims - remember Wing Commander III?),
with GKII undoubtedly holding the lonely crown of the one FMV game that
actually kicked ass. The incredible (to the point of freakishness!)
depth of the plot and backstory created by Jane Jansen for each of the
Gabriel Knight games translated to add much depth to Gabriel as a
character; so much so that even the not-so-terrific choice of actor to
portray him in The Beast Within did little to detract from his James
Dean-like coolness. To top it off, Gabriel's cases where never easy or
trivial. Here was detective work that was challenging and multi-faceted:
it involved exploration, physical trials, brains, stealth, communication
skills, and often enough quite literal courage - for Gabriel, as well as
the player, for The Beast Within was one scary freaking game to be
playing in a dark room at 2 o'clock in the morning. In the end, any
player who stood side to side with Gabriel to the end, made a friend
forever.

Prominent Titles: Gabriel Knight: Sins of the Fathers, Gabriel Knight 2:
The Beast Within, Gabriel Knight 3: Blood of the Sacred, Blood of the
Damned.

8) Luigi

Luigi Luigi has come a long way from his early days as, "the green
Mario," and, "that guy who jumps really weird in Super Mario Bros. 2."
In fact, Luigi has perhaps developed a personality more entertaining
than that of Mario himself. Luigi is the realist of the pair. Unlike his
brother, who is noble to a fault, Luigi is not above turning tail and
hauling ass out of a dangerous, or just plain scary situation. He truly
wants to be a hero as renowned and beloved as his brother, but he is
painfully aware that he lacks the courage and the hero's instinct to
hurl himself into certain-death situations. In truth, Luigi thinks too
much, and thus, like Hamlet, he hesitates in those moments when the true
hero simply acts. Knowing this, he has resigned himself to a lifetime of
second-banana-hood and tends to affect a kind of dispirited, sad sack
attitude. That's not to say he doesn't get his moments in the sun, as he
clearly does, and periodically he'll rally enough momentum to manage to
save the day. However, he still knows that Mario is the real hero and
always will be. Poor Luigi.

Prominent Titles: Super Mario Bros. 2, Paper Mario, Luigi's Mansion,
Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga.

7) Jade

Jade There is much to be said for hot hair, green lipstick, and living
in the future, especially on a girl that knows how to handle an SLR
camera and swing a mean combo with a combat staff. Ah, the woman of my
dreams. How far away is Hillys, anyway? Err - sorry. Got a little
distracted there - I think I was supposed to be talking about Jade as
one of the top video game heroes of all time - not my personal dream
genie. My mistake. Jade is awesome. She's got hot hair, green lipstick,
and a pig for an uncle, all of which come in extremely handy as she
finds herself in the midst of a massive political conspiracy and a
little planetary invasion thing that's been going on recently. At the
beginning, Jade is little more than just an innocent bystander, though -
all she really wants to do is take care of some kids who lost their
parents in the invasion. Aww. But the little buggers seem to eat money
for breakfast, so Jade has to go out for a little freelance
photojournalism to make a couple of extra bucks. Next thing she knows,
she finds herself in some extraterrestrial version of the Matrix,
complete with an underground resistance movement, a super-secret
codename, and a bold, soft-spoken leader. Armed with her trusty staff, a
digital camera, and a sense of humor she is out to uncover hidden
secrets of the Alpha Section. Oh science fiction! You make adventure so
easy! It's hard to pinpoint what exactly makes Jade so attractive; at
the risk of sounding cliché, I think its simply the fact that she is a
cool, smart chick who can kick ass. Well, and the hair. And the green
lipstick. In any case, along with Zoe Castillo of Dreamfall, she is
definitely one of the most memorable video game characters of the past 5
years, and we are holding our fingers crossed for an equally kick-ass
sequel to come out soon.

Prominent Titles: Beyond Good and Evil.

6) HK-47

HK-47 What if Star Wars' C-3PO, instead of being whiney and
effeminate, was violent and sociopathic but still possessed that grating
sense of self-superiority? Why, he'd be number five on this list, of
course! A murderous assassin droid, HK-47 kills first and never really
gets around to asking questions because he assumes he already knows the
answers and frankly doesn't care if he doesn't know. Both Knights of the
Old Republic games are full of questions, mysteries, and uncertainty,
but HK-47 serves as a bastion of unwavering conviction. And that
conviction is to killing as many people as he can get his hands on.
Providing his "Master" allows it, of course. His unabashed dedication to
murder and mayhem make him simultaneously alarming and, in a way,
endearing for his constant honesty. Despite the fact that he is likely
among the most evil characters in either game, HK-47 is actually pretty
funny. From the fact that he declares what each of his statements are
before speaking them (i.e. "Statement," "Threat," "Sarcastic Barb,"
etc.), to the childlike glee evident in his voice when bloody battle
looms near, HK-47 is a continuous font of gallows humor. And that one
scene in KOTOR II where he is briefly turned "good" is among the most
hilarious moments in any video game, ever.

Prominent Titles: Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, Star Wars
Knights of the Old Republic II: Sith Lords.

5) Samus

Samus The original ass-kicking lady, I would imagine Samus has been a
greater feminist influence on several generations of young boys then
Bell Hooks could ever hope to be. Believing they were playing as a man,
or at least some kind of cyborg/robot guy, millions of gamers' minds
were blown when, at the end of the original Metroid, renowned bounty
hunter Samus Aran removed his helmet and revealed that, "he," was really
a "she," but not in some weird, transgender kind of way. Samus is all
woman, but from the perspective of the game, it really doesn't matter.
And that's what makes Samus such a cool chick. Sure, under that armor
she's got all kinds of soft bits not possessed by men, but in the game
she's just a silent, alien-killing badass like the Master Chief.
Besides, there are much more exciting things to focus on, like all of
her amazing power-ups. From the Morph Ball, to the Ice Beam, to the
Screw Attack, Samus's tools are all ingenious in their capacity to be
both fun and functional. Almost all of them serve dual purposes (hold
your questions on the Screw Attack, please!), as they can be used to
visit fiery death upon her foes, but also to access new areas and allow
her to venture deeper into whatever spooky, abandoned planet she's
exploring. Heck, once she's gathered up all her tools this lady has
almost as much versatility as Mega Man! Kudos, Samus! And kudos to
Nintendo for never transforming this self-determined lady into a sex
object over the years.

Prominent Titles: Metroid, Super Metroid, Metroid Prime, Super Smash
Bros. Melee.

4) Zoe Castillo and April Ryan

Zoe Castillo While well-endowed female characters aren't a particular
rarity, ones possessing real strength of character and true emotional
depth are a lot more difficult to come by. Now throw "in video games"
onto the end of that sentence and you'll be in real trouble - in fact I
am pretty sure we cover most of the notable exceptions to the rule in
this very article. Perhaps the most recent addition to this short list
is the duo of April Ryan and Zoe Castillo from The Longest Journey
games. That's right, two for the price of one! We are /soooo/ sneaky.
Caught in an unpredictable and often dangerous adventure taking place
not only in reality but also in a parallel dreamworld, Zoe and April
have only the strength of their respective (and rather different)
characters and convictions to rely upon. April's more quirky, yet
grounded and practical character contrasts well with Zoe's more
passionate, dreamy nature. One carries the weight of two worlds on her
shoulders and the other is thrown across those worlds as she tries to
come up for air in a whirlpool of a conspiracy she can hardly begin to
understand. Yet like many truly great heroes, what makes both of these
characters so attractive is that they are in no-way all-powerful -
you've got a couple of real girls here, dealing with real crap with only
their brainpower and a pair of girl-fists each at their disposal. Things
don't always go their way, and sometimes they make mistakes - and
sometimes you reload. The rest of the time, however, you have one hell
of a time living vicariously through them, trying to figure out why it
seems like everyone is lying to you, why you keep being yanked between
dreaming and reality, and, most of all how come you never have time to
just go do all that stuff 20-somethings are /supposed/ to be doing. Of
all the female characters in whose proverbial high heels I've had the
pleasure (or more often, the torture) of walking in, both April and Zoe
are definitely two of the deepest, most relatable, and most distinctive.
Now I am just going to figure out a good place to stick in "smoking hot"
somewhere in here and we'll be all set...

Prominent Titles: The Longest Journey, Dreamfall: The Longest Journey.

3) Solid Snake

Solid Snake The world's greatest super spy, Snake is sort of the
American equivalent of James Bond. Only instead of hanging out in fancy
casinos and having sex with supermodels, Snake hides in a cardboard box
in a swamp and eats rats. Yes sir, Snake is the real deal. None of that
fancy schmoozing with diplomats or seducing the villain's sexy secretary
for him. Snake (voiced in a gravely, world-weary way by David Hayter) is
a real man's man. Whether rising up out of tall grass to silently slash
an enemy's jugular, or stuffing a naked dude's corpse into a locker
after snapping his neck and stealing his clothes, Snake is a brutally
efficient soldier, competent in pretty much any form of combat
imaginable (including Wiffle-Fu, a form I just made up right now that
involves smiting enemy genitalia with Wiffle bats), who focuses on
completing his mission above all else. But Snake is also somewhat of a
tortured soul, as government agents in his position are frequently
required to accomplish the most grueling, complex missions with a
minimal amount of information and no questions asked. Of course, some of
that lacking information is the kind of material that would lead an
agent to question the morality of his goals. Betrayed countless times by
the government he has fought and bled to protect, Snake is perpetually
in a state of semi-retirement, but his inability to abandon the world to
its fate leads him to continuously battle to save it. (Oh, and I know
Solid Snake and Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater's hero, Snake, are
"technically" different people, but have you /played/ Snake Eater?
They're totally the same guy.)

Prominent Titles: Metal Gear, Metal Gear Solid, Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons
of Liberty, Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater.

2) Mario

Mario Thirty years ago if you had declared that one of the most
admired heroes of the day would be a portly, flamboyant Italian-American
plumber in bright red overalls who fought evil turtles in order to save
sentient fungus, you most likely would have been declared a witch and
burned at the stake. But I'll be damned if you wouldn't have been
completely right! Arguably the most recognizable face in the video game
industry, even to those out of touch fogies who have never gazed with
cataract-encrusted eyes at a video game, Mario and his games are some of
the most influential forces in video game history. By running around
like a spaz, breaking blocks with his head and crushing his foes under
the heels of his cruel feet, Mario set the standards for which all 2-D,
and eventually even 3-D, platformers would be defined. And his design, a
glorious mixture of the mundane and the utterly absurd has withstood the
test of time brilliantly. But what makes Mario truly great is that he's
a workingman's hero. Giant ape? Fire-breathing dragon/turtle? Space
alien? Clogged drain? Mario is the kind of guy who sees any challenge
and says, "I can handle that." Not in a cocky way, but with the
down-to-earth confidence of a regular Joe confronting a problem that
somebody needs to deal with. Mario doesn't really possess any special
powers, but he's dedicated and hardworking, and gosh darnit, that's what
sees him through! A true inspiration for the children.

Prominent Titles: Super Mario Bros., Super Mario Bros. 3, Super Mario
64, Mario Kart: Double Dash, Super Smash Bros. Melee.

1) Link

Link Oh, come on, act surprised! While all of the previous heroes
embody what a great video game hero should be, none do so quite as
perfectly as Link. Which is good, because we put him as number one on
this list, lest we be eaten alive by thousands of angry fan children.
Beginning most of his quests as a young man (or boy) setting out to deal
with some minor crisis that has popped up for his small village, Link is
soon confronted with the even greater problems facing his world, usually
in the form of the evil bandit/wizard Ganon. Frequently he is depicted
as someone possessing both boyish innocence and curiosity, but also an
adult's understanding of what is at stake, and thus a commitment to see
things through, no matter the hardship. Being the embodiment of the
Triforce of Courage and pitted in opposition to Ganon, the embodiment of
the Triforce of Power, Link possesses the spirit of every hero who
bravely stands up against an overwhelming evil and emerges triumphant.
Like the heroes in ancient and medieval tales, Link is heir to a great
heritage, and he must recover a magical blade to lay claim to that
heritage. Similarly, he must endure a number of trials and acquire
various other magical baubles to prove his worthiness to inherit his
birthright. And while he is the embodiment of Courage, he exhibits
traits of all three parts of the Triforce during his adventures. He must
use power to defeat the various beasts that he encounters, wisdom to
overcome the puzzles he faces, and courage to continue pushing forward,
always venturing into the next dark dungeon corridor or over the
following desert dune. Yes, this boy really has it all. It is this
fullness to Link that makes his quests so engrossing and helps the
player really identify with him as they face and overcome each challenge
together. Here is another medal for you kid. Let us know if you need to
put it in mini storage - we know a good local provider.

Prominent Titles: The Legend of Zelda, The Legend of Zelda: A Link to
the Past, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, The Legend of Zelda: The
Wind Waker.

Well, there it is, the list of the video game universe's top
twenty-five heroes. Of course, these are just our opinions, and as
omnipotent as we may be, we obviously can't fully dissect every game and
its heroes, so there certainly could be some glaring omissions. Heck, we
even thought of a bunch more while we were writing this. So head on over
to the GameLemon message boards and assault us for the shoddy
journalism. We like the pain.

Mike Zeller
Vaga